Actress and producer Aubrey Plaza is known for her dry wit, unique roles, and deadpan humor. But in 2025, fans saw a different side of her—raw, vulnerable, and emotionally open—as she shared for the first time what it has been like to grieve the loss of her husband, filmmaker Jeff Baena.
In a heartfelt conversation with longtime friend and collaborator Amy Poehler, Plaza used a haunting and symbolic metaphor to describe the emotional weight of grief. She compared her experience to the movie The Gorge, a metaphor she says captures the terrifying and consuming nature of the mourning process.
A Love Story Cut Short
Plaza and Baena had been together since 2011 and married in 2021. Their relationship was one of quiet strength and creative collaboration. Over the years, they worked on several film projects together including Life After Beth, Joshy, The Little Hours, and Spin Me Round.
Tragically, Baena passed away in early 2025. While the cause was kept private, the emotional aftermath has been publicly felt through Plaza’s rare interviews and recent podcast appearance.
Living With Grief: “It’s Like a Daily Struggle”
When Amy Poehler asked Plaza how she was truly doing, the response was a mixture of honesty and resilience. Plaza admitted she was “functioning” but added that “it’s like a daily struggle, obviously.”
She elaborated that even though she shows up for work and keeps herself active, the internal battle of grief is ongoing and deeply consuming. It is not something that simply disappears with time—it sits with her every day, just beneath the surface.
The Gorge: A Metaphor for Grief
Perhaps the most striking moment came when Plaza compared her emotional experience to the narrative of The Gorge, a sci-fi thriller released in 2025. In the movie, characters are caught between two cliffs with a dark gorge filled with monsters below—always threatening to pull them in.
“There’s a cliff on one side, and a cliff on the other. In between is this massive gorge with monsters in it. That’s what grief feels like to me.”
This metaphor resonated with listeners. It perfectly encapsulates how grief can feel like an ever-present, looming threat. Even on good days, the “gorge” is still there—filled with emotional monsters, ready to swallow you if you lose focus for even a moment.
Grief Isn’t Linear: A Constant State of Presence
Plaza emphasized that grief is not something that can be overcome or “fixed.” It’s something you live with. For her, being present in the moment is all she can do.
She shared that she is learning to appreciate small wins—getting out of bed, showing up for work, spending time with friends. Every act is part of the healing journey, even when the sadness feels unbearable.
The Role of Friendship and Sisterhood
Plaza credits her strong support system for helping her stay grounded. She talked about a close circle of female friends—actresses, writers, and creatives—who have been a lifeline during this period.
They stay in constant contact via group chats, Zoom calls, and even spontaneous getaways. Laughter, she said, is an essential part of her recovery. Her friends make her laugh really hard, even in the darkest moments.
“Those girls keep me from falling into the gorge.”
This network of sisterhood serves as a protective barrier, helping her avoid being consumed by grief and reminding her of life’s joyful moments.
Returning to the Public Eye
After several months of staying away from the spotlight, Plaza made a quiet return to public life. Her first major appearance came during the SNL 50th anniversary event in February 2025. Her presence was subdued but meaningful, and fans admired her strength and grace.
She later appeared on her friend’s podcast, where she opened up for the first time about her emotional journey. For many, this was the most candid and vulnerable they had ever seen Aubrey Plaza.
Navigating the World Without Her Partner
Plaza’s relationship with Baena was not just romantic—it was also artistic. They often collaborated professionally, with Plaza starring in several of Baena’s directorial projects. The two shared a creative synergy that was evident in their work.
Now, navigating life without that constant presence is both a personal and professional adjustment. Plaza explained that even doing routine tasks feels different without Baena’s support, voice, and energy.
Understanding Her Grief Through Art
Using The Gorge as a metaphor is not just a reflection of Plaza’s emotional state—it also highlights how deeply she connects with art as a means of understanding life. Just as she immerses herself into roles as an actress, she seems to process grief through storytelling and symbolism.
It’s a reminder that movies and stories can offer powerful lenses through which we understand and survive the darkest periods of life.
Public Reaction: Empathy and Support
Fans, friends, and fellow artists have poured out their support for Plaza. Many have praised her bravery in talking about something so deeply personal and painful. Others have resonated with her metaphor, commenting on how accurately it reflects their own grieving experiences.
This openness has created a conversation around grief—particularly how it manifests after the loss of a partner—and allowed others to feel less alone in their struggles.
Table: Key Insights from Aubrey Plaza’s Reflection on Grief
| Aspect | Details |
|---|---|
| Relationship | Married to Jeff Baena (2021), together since 2011 |
| Husband’s Death | Early 2025 (private cause of death) |
| Emotional State | “Functioning, but it’s a daily struggle” |
| Grief Metaphor | Like The Gorge – two cliffs with a monster-filled chasm in between |
| Coping Mechanisms | Support from friends, daily routines, being present |
| Return to Public Life | SNL 50th Anniversary, podcast with Amy Poehler |
| Art as Healing | Uses film and metaphor to process emotion |
| Community Response | Widespread empathy and emotional connection with fans |
| Shared Creative Journey | Collaborated on several films, strong artistic partnership with Baena |
| Message to Others Grieving | Grief is constant; support, laughter, and presence help manage it |
A Story of Strength and Softness
What stands out in Plaza’s story is the coexistence of strength and softness. She is not putting on a brave face or hiding her pain—she is openly sharing it, acknowledging its intensity, and still managing to function.
That honesty is not only admirable—it’s transformative. It gives others permission to grieve at their own pace, without shame or the pressure to “move on.”
The Power of Metaphor in Healing
By likening her grief to The Gorge, Plaza gives form to the formless. She allows herself—and others—to visualize grief not just as sadness, but as an environment: unpredictable, dangerous, yet navigable with the right tools and support.
This metaphor has struck a chord with many, especially those dealing with recent loss. It turns an internal emotion into something that can be named, observed, and ultimately, survived.
A Private Journey Shared Publicly
It takes immense courage to share private pain in public, especially when you are a public figure. Aubrey Plaza has shown that grief does not discriminate—it is unrelenting, often invisible, and incredibly personal.
But through her words and her metaphor, she reminds us that even in the darkest times, there can be light—whether through art, friendship, or simply surviving another day.
Conclusion: Grief Isn’t a Cliff — It’s a Gorge
The death of Jeff Baena has profoundly shaped the life and outlook of Aubrey Plaza. While the pain is ever-present, she continues to push forward with honesty, grace, and vulnerability. Her metaphor of The Gorge provides a poignant framework for understanding the nature of grief—not as something to climb out of, but something to move through with awareness, resilience, and love.
In doing so, Plaza offers a gift to everyone who has experienced loss: the reminder that while grief may never leave, it can be lived with, expressed through art, and eased through connection.
